AND
Present
SURF NAZIS MUST DIE
When I was asked to contribute to this 'beach' roundtable, only one movie jumped into my mind...Beach Blanket Bingo...but that movie's no fun at all, so I decided to go with the Troma Classic, Surf Nazis Must Die! After all, with a tag line like "The Beaches Have Become Battlefields...The Waves Are A War Zone!", how can you just leave this one sitting on the video store shelf??!! Here's the story: In the near future an earthquake has devastated the California coast. Gangs now rule the beaches and the Surf Nazis are the toughest among them!
Let me introduce you to the Surf Nazis: Adolph, the leader of the Surf Nazis. Eva, Adolph's squeeze and beard hater! Mengele, Adolph's Lieutenant and advisor also a guy with too big a pot belly for that wetsuit! Hook, general tough surfer. No one knows how he got his name!
Now that we've met the Nazis, what about the story? Well, it's pretty simple, the Surf Nazis rule the beaches, anyone foolish enough to want to swim in the ocean is a potential target. One day, Leroy, an up and coming oil executive spots one of the Nazi Youth purse snatching an old lady. Well, being a nice guy, Leroy stops the kid and gets back the purse, but he's spotted by Adolph, who doesn't like his authority being questioned and has Leroy killed. Now, you don't kill Leroy without pissing off Leroy's Mama! So, it's now up to Leroy's Mama to hunt down the Surf Nazis and end their reign of terror on the beach, she starts with the underling, Smeg.
After overhearing Smeg bragging to two hot chicks about killing Leroy, Mama questions him, and sets out on a path of revenge!
On the back of her trusty hog, Mama gets herself a gun that will "take the head off a honky at 20 paces!", and heads out to test her gun on some Honky Nazis...or is that Nazi Honkys? Surf Nazis Must Die is one of the goofiest movies you're ever likely to see! Between the Death Wish-lite story and the site of a bunch of rubber clad weirdoes running from an overweight old black woman, this movie can lose you entirely if you're not made of strong stuff!
When I chose this movie, Andrew Borntreger, the webmaster of BadMovies.org, questioned both my sanity and my stomach, being sure that I'd lose either my mind or my lunch after watching such a truly bad movie! But, being the Bad Movie Guy, I girded my loins, then, after realizing that I'd girded them way too tight, loosened my loins a bit, and sat down to endure this bit of video torture. And, I have to say, if you take Surf Nazis Must Die for what it is, a B movie that's not really trying to get across anything other than an hour and a half of entertainment, then it's not a bad movie.
Over all, I'm giving Surf Nazis Must Die three out of four cigars, because if you don't walk into it expecting any Oscar winning performances then you won't be disappointed. If you expect some type of 'message movie' or 'fine film' then you're probably not even in the same section of the video store as I am anyway! Plus, I've only read about one person who dared give Surf Nazis Must Die a truly bad review and she's not really well anymore!
Mama don't like no bad reviews! So, in order to keep my health, and in order to not find out if Mama's gun will blow the head off of this honky at 20 paces, I'll just tell you that if you know the title of the movie is Surf Nazis Must Die, you shouldn't really expecting Judgment At Nuremburg, should you?!?!? So, until next time, when we'll look down the barrel of another movie that could take our heads off at 20 paces, remember that the best movies are bad movies.