My Semi-Crappy Weekend

After months of anticipation and anxious waiting, finally the 8 Movies To Die For/Horrorfest 2007 arrived! I've had my All Access pass in my hands for almost three weeks and I've been dying to get out there and see these great movies!



For those of you who aren't familiar with Horrorfest, (which began last year) After Dark Films chooses 8 independent horror movies, movies that will most likely not ever get a theatrical release, and put them all together and give them that prized theatrical release, which means that all of us fans get to see these great movies on the big screen!

So, there I was, my wife was out of town for the week, and I had been wearing my pass around my neck for three days, Friday, at the theatre, in my seat and, with great glee, enjoyed three of the eight movies...five to go! And, I had my plan of movie-attack all laid out, four movies on Saturday and one movie on Sunday and not even missing a day of work, you couldn't have blasted the smile off of my face with C-4!!

Well, as is usually the case in my life, for some reason, God hates me and my plans were thrown into a cocked hat faster than you can say 'bad movie'! Saturday, I pick up my laptop that's been repaired, only to find (after paying and getting it home) that it's not repaired at all, in fact, it's just as bad! So, after getting some work done (very slowly!!), I set my mind on my movies, jumped in my car and off I go, a smile on my face and a song in my heart, after all it's not often that you get the chance to see four great movies in one sitting...my ass was all ready for the numbness that would surely set in soon!! When, what do I hear, a loud pop, followed by the sound of air rushing through a hole. Yep, a flat tire!

So, there I am, on the side of the road, with the mindset of an Indy mechanic, if I can set the land speed record for changing a tire, I can still make the first movie. And, guess what? I did it! All I needed to do was put a little air in the space (which was a bit soft) and I could still make my movie! I laughed and scoffed at God, "You tried, but I beat you, I'll see my movies despite this road block!". Now, here's an important tip boys and girls, scoff at God, and often he'll scoff back...and he is bigger than all of us! And so I stop, and while I'm putting air in my spare tire, I notice a large slice running parallel with the treads, only this slice shouldn't be there, and, upon tracing it around, I discover that my tire is coming apart! So, now I'll need a new tire before I can get to my movies (or risk coming out to a flat with no spare), so, not to be discouraged, off I head to the tire store...on a Saturday...after 3pm...I think you can see where I'm going with this.

All tire stores are closed and the one I found open was cleaning the floor in preparation to leave and (despite my begging) refused to fix my tire. So, I have a choice to make, travel on a clearly bad tire and risk not getting home, or head home, admit defeat and move on with my life.

I have to admit, in the old days, the ol' Bad Movie Guy would have rolled those dice and risked the long walk of shame home, but, being older and wiser, I couldn't face the twenty-plus mile walk. So, looking skyward, I admit defeat, mildly curse God (like a small child mumbling behind it's parents backs) and head for home.

Now, I may get the chance to see another movie or two before the week is out, but I'll have to pay separately and the fun of being one of the first to see them is now long gone. Here's the moral of my story, dear readers: Don't get your hopes too high, because, inevitably, they'll be crushed like a teenagers head between Jason's meaty fists!

So sayeth the Bad Movie Guy!

ICFLM Day 1

The first day of the It Came From Lake Michigan Film Festival was pretty eventful. Being on a Friday, it seemed a bit slow, but you always expect that on a weekday, people are working and the fun doesn't really being until Saturday.

That being said, it was a great Friday, things started off pretty well, people started tricking in around 11:30am and it all got rolling. I had the chance to see a great new indie movie, Brain Dead (more on that in the future), caught up with Duane, the fearless editor of Rogue Cinema and Nic Brown (who happens to be one of the hardest working guys out there, I've barely seen him, and when I do, he's generally doing an interview with someone!), and had the chance to meet and greet a ton of great people...don't ask me to name them all, I'm still on a bit of a 'jet lag' even if it is only one hour earlier than I'm used to.

Today, Duane, Nic and I will hold a roundtable for other journalists and filmmakers about movie reviewing, but before that I'll have the chance to see Uwe Boll's new movie Postal (which I've been looking forward to for a while now!), then it'll be movie, movie, movie for me. I'm hoping to see Attack Of The Baby Doll, Psycho Ward, and a few more today, then attend the festival award this afternoon.

So, if you're in town take a minute to head down to the Tommy Thompson Center on the Wisconsin State Fair Grounds and check it out, if not then keep you eyes peeled here or at RogueCinema.com for more details!

Oh, one last thing, I had the chance to meet and chat with Carole Barrowman, the sister of John Barrowman, who plays Capt. Jack Harkness on Torchwood and Doctor Who, she recently visited the set of both shows and had some really cool insights from behind the scenes of both shows and the industry in Great Britian in general. She was great and the presentation was very cool. And, if you've never heard of either of these great sci-fi shows, then grab your cable guide, find BBC America, and do a search and record them, they're both super and worth your time!

Check in with you later,
Brian The Bad Movie Guy

Deep Within The New TV Season

Alright, I've had a week or so to digest and take a look at the things that interested me, so I thought I'd share with all of you my thoughts about the new fall TV season!

First, let me just say, up front, I didn't like the Bionic Woman in the 70s, I sure as hell am not interested in the update! I get it, she's a hot chick and it's super hero stuff, but, I just can't force myself to be interested in this show...I tried, but found myself contemplating my fingernails and wondering what was for dinner before the first two minutes had passed! So, NO the the Bionic Woman.

Heroes seems to have taken a left turn and jumped the shark this year. I watched the first two episodes and just find myself confused. What country are we in, Haiti, India, the U.S.? And what time period are we in?? So, after just two episodes, I have to admit, the fun is gone and it's over for me. I was looking forward to some more about the older heroes this year and seeing where the story went now, but the show is just taking way too long to get to the point, so after only two episodes, ya lost me!

The shows I have enjoyed this season are the old staples (for me), My Name Is Earl while not as funny as it was last year, is still one of the funniest shows on TV. The Office is funnier than it's ever been this year! I enjoy the new show The Big Bang Theory, but then, any show that has a Green Lantern joke just speaks to the geek inside my soul, so I'm not sure if it's for everyone, but I like it.

Curb Your Enthusiasm is just as good as it ever was, and, if you were a fan of Seinfeld and you're not watching Curb...buddy, you're missing it!

Dexter on Showtime, is probably the best show of the year. Strong writing, great acting and, without a doubt, the darkest show out there. A serial killer who only kills bad guys, and now he's being torn between normal life and his life as a killer...this could be a better season than the first one!

Also, Torchwood on BBC America, if you loved the X Files, then you'll love Torchwood. While it's technically a Doctor Who spin-off, Torchwood is definitely aimed at an older crowd, with plenty of aliens and overall strangeness, Torchwood deserves to be seen by a wide audience...just pray that the U.S. networks don't decide to 'Americanize' is...that would absolutely not work!

Well, those are just a few of the shows I've checked out so far, oh, of course there's Law And Order, SVU, that's been just as good this year as last, but then, as a Law And Order junkie, maybe I just needed my fix after the long summer break!

If you'd like to add to my list, or tell me about a great show I'm missing, drop me a line at brian@badmovieguy.com, and please in the subject line put TV SHOWS, so I won't delete you as spam!

Thanks,
Brian The Bad Movie Guy

A Word Of Wisdom About The Jena 6 Situation

Are you as sick of all this racial crap as I am? I don't know about you, but I've never seen anyone wearing a nazi symbol or a kkk hood, and I personally don't care what color your skin is, as long as you're not an asshole!

With all this junk going on in Jena, LA, I thought I would take a second to explain how this should have gone down. Here it is:

Some kids have a problem, the dumb ass white kids decide to hang some nooses from the tree in question. When they get to school the next day, the black kids beat their asses. Now, if I'm the parent of any of the white kids involved who got their asses kicked, I sit by their bedside and offer this advice. "Son, you did a really dumb-ass thing. You had your head up your own ass and someone didn't like it. Let's take this beating as a lesson to not be a redneck, racist idiot and we'll move on. Oh, and if this happens again, the ass beating the black kids give you will pale in comparison to what you'll get when you get home."

It's just that simple, no need to involve the police or lawyers, you take the kid by the ear and make him apologize to the other kids parents, explain that if you don't like someone, just leave them the hell alone...it's just that simple.

You see, if you just apply a little logic and parent your kids, instead of calling the cops, none of this would be in the news. Who was wrong in all this? Both sets of kids, the white kids for doing something that retarded and the black kids for reacting violently. Who's to blame? The parents for not nipping this in the bud very early. I understand that you'll get upset when your kid is injured, but when he's asking for it and then he gets it...as long as he's still alive and relatively intact...then you explain the lesson and move on!

Here endeth the lesson!

Brian The Bad Movie Guy

A Piece Of Advice To Protestors

Okay, I've obviously let the world down by not sharing my knowledge. I thought that I wasn't all that bright, and that anything that I knew was probably already common knowledge, but I guess I was wrong.

Lately, I've been seeing more reports in the media of protesters being 'manhandled' by police. Just today, there's a report of a man who was tazered at a John Kerry speech and, as usual, the media is blaming police for the problem. Well, here's the truth of the matter, it's not the police's fault, it's the fault of the ignorant protesters who don't listen!

Yes, I know we all have the right to protest and we all have the right to our opinion, but that right has limitations, and if I'm trying to listen to John Kerry say something, don't I also have the right to not have your dumb ass standing behind me either heckling or yelling questions? So, here's the advice...no, the gift...I'm giving to your protesters.

When the police tell you to do something...DO IT!!

It's just that simple, having been raising in a 'cop family', here's the rule, the police are in charge, you're not, and it doesn't matter if you agree or disagree with what they're saying or doing, you can't do anything about it. Oh, you can, but then you can also spend a little time in jail! Okay, now, go on and yell and carry on about civil liberties and constitutional rights and all that stuff, but the fact of the matter is, you can't win and you're only going to look like an idiot on TV.

Oh, you can waddle out in your cast because Capital Police have 'roughed you up', but, trust me, most people out here in the real world aren't looking at you and thinking "Oh what a poor, poor soul. Those evil police!", what we're actually thinking is, "Why didn't you listen to them in the first place, asshole!".

My father only taught me a couple of things that I've found worthy of remembering and one of them was this. When the police pull you over or stop you, they own you. It's just that simple, you can't beat them, you can't outrun them, you're ass is theirs if they want it. And, just a little word of personal advice, if you give the cops trouble or want to mouth off to them, you'll probably find that you suddenly 'fit the description' of someone that they're looking for. That's right friends, most police departments can hold you for up to 24 hours without charging you. And, you might start screaming that that's unfair, and it probably is, but being 'in the right' isn't going to be much comfort when you're sitting in a cell with people who are actual criminals...trust me on that!

So, go ahead, yell and scream, and when the cops tell you to stop or to be quiet, just keep it up. You may have the moral high ground (sometimes) but trust me when I tell you that, when you're handcuffed between two guys who are still arguing over who killed their girlfriend, and sitting across from someone who shot his buddy in the face, that moral high ground isn't going to be much comfort. So, express yourself, and protest (if you don't have something better to do...like have a job), but, when you're asked to knock if off, or keep it down, just do it...otherwise, you're life will be made a bit uncomfortable, and those of us out here who do have jobs and lives, we're not really feeling any pity for you...we're usually laughing at your dumb ass!