With the new Tim Burton-ized Planet of the Apes in theaters, it's the number two question I ask people, number one being, do you know where I parked my car? It's Did you see the original Planet of the Apes?  Sadly, most young people are telling me, 'No, Brian, I haven't seen the original Planet of the Apes, and will you please leave me alone, I don't know where you parked your car!'  "Well", I ask, "Why not?"  (the movie, I mean, not the car), but by the I'm usually standing alone wondering where everyone went and where the hell I parked my car anyway.  But, anyhow, back to my topic.  Why hasn't anyone seen the original Planet of the Apes from 1968?

     Is it because it from the 60's?  Well, if that's it, don't be afraid.  There's no singing of bad folk songs, there are no 'radicals' trying to 'take down the fat cats' and even though most residents of the Planet of the Apes are covered in hair, it's 98% hippie free. (Charlton and the other humans do let their hair go a bit).   Is it because of Charlton Heston?  If that's the problem, remember over-acting was Chuck's claim to fame back then, it was accepted, even encouraged.  And, whether you like his politics or not, this is the young loin-clothed Heston, not the grizzled NRA leader here!  And the only people with guns on the Planet of the Apes are gorillas.  Or maybe it's the lack of the spectacular CGI type effects?  If that's it...well, there's not much I can do about that.  Just try to ignore it and follow the story, and when it's over you can get back to your PS2 or MP3 or VS9 or whatever you whipper-snappers are playing with these days.  Remember, this movie is a classic for a reason.  And I know what you're thinking, every old movie is a classic, but this time I'm serious!!  You've got Charlton Heston, Roddy McDowall, Kim Hunter and don't forget Maurice Evans as Dr. Zaius!  These are all classically trained actors under that monkey makeup.  The writing is great, the story is fantastic, and who can forget those classic lines. "Get your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape"  and that's just the line that my wife remembers from the movie...and she seems to like it alot, she uses it often enough.

     Don't take my word for it, get on down to the video store and rent it for yourself.  Go!  Now!  Why are you still here reading this??  And, until next time, remember the best movies are bad movies!!