I've had people tell me that the Blair Witch Project and Book of Shadows : Blair Witch 2, were two of the scariest movies ever made.  And, I'm talking about normal people, here, not weird, homeless, disturbed people, which makes that statement all the more confusing, because neither of these movies were scary at all, unless you have a fear of the unknown, and by the unknown I don't mean 'things that go bump in the night' I mean, 'why is there no picture on the screen' unknown.

     The original Blair Witch Project stormed the summer of 1999 being hailed as the scariest, best horror movie of all time.  But that was obviously by people who had been locked in a room with nothing to watch but Golden Girls reruns for about a decade!  Because unless you're afraid of shaky camera work and even shakier story-lines, this wasn't scary at all.  Although, I have to admit that after about 20 minutes of that Heather chick breathing heavy and screaming I was afraid that I might have to kill some one!  They also praised this movie for being made on such a low budget, but that didn't really impress me, because they had three film cans, but after seeing the movie, they really only used on roll of film because most of the movie was BLACK SCREEN!!!  Which means to means that either the film-makers were dumb and left the lens cap on or they didn't remember to buy film and were two embarrassed to say anything, and that had to be why the budget stayed so low, as did the entertainment value of the movie!!  

     So, then, just to prove what a schmuck I am, I had to see Book of Shadows : Blair Witch 2.  Now, if you've seen this, maybe you could do me a favor and tell me just what the hell this movie was about?  Besides being about an hour and a half long.  I'm serious, you've gotta help me out, because it seemed to me that someone dropped the script and the pages got all shuffled around and no one wanted to admit that it happened, so they just filmed it that way!  There's some crazy homeless guy who lives in an abandoned warehouse in the middle of the woods (note to all warehouse owners, if you build your warehouse in the middle of the woods, you'll probably go out of business), a couple who are either filmmakers or writers or just dumbasses who like to go into the woods with weirdoes, and then there's two chicks one is a 'wiccan' and the other just likes to dress in black all the time.  Then they go camping, and someone gets possessed, and then there's a pack of wild Dobermans and there's some random nudity around a campfire and a video tape that you have to play backwards or slowly or something to see what's on it.  Scary?  No!  Stupid?  Definitely!  These are not movies to be rented and enjoyed, they're movies to be avoided at all costs!  Go rent an Ice T movie instead, at least they hire writers.  And until next time, remember, the best movies are bad movies!