Reminding you that The Best Movies Are Bad Movies

Did you ever see something so bad that you couldn't believe it?  I didn't think that I had, but that was before I sat through Battlefield Earth!  Now, I know that it was kind of a national punch line when it was released in 2000, but seriously, there was a reason!

I watched this not long after it came out on dvd, I had to see for myself exactly how bad this movie was, after all, I AM the bad movie guy, so I should be able to take this, right?  Well, friends, and I admit this only because we're friends, this movie made me weep.  That's right, be the end of Battlefield Earth, I felt like this movie was created just to torture me and rip my very soul from my body...but I may be getting ahead of myself, let's talk about the movie.

This is a "saga of the year 3000", and apparently in the year 3000 humans are mere animals, although they still talk and raise farm animals and know what the phrase 'piece of cake' means, but earth has been overrun by a race called the Psychlos.  Now these Psychlos are like an evil bunch of really tall rastafarians.  They have the Rasta hair do and wear really big "Kiss" like boots.  It's like earth was overrun by a bunch of really evil 70s musicians, and...it gets worse...they've put John Travolta in charge!  The basic story here is simple.  The evil Psychlos have overrun earth, one man, named Johnny, is earth's only hope.  So Johnny leads a revolt, that not only overthrows the Psychlos, but destroys their home planet.

This is like a movie that a ten year old might make, we've got savages who suddenly become very intelligent when it suits the need of the story, I mean, one minute a tribe of 'man animals' is threatening John Travolta with a spear (and honestly who among us hasn't wanted to do that) and the next they're flying around sophisitcated aircraft attacking the Psychlos base. 

Now, I watched this twice so there may actually be some brain damage going on, I can't be sure, but let me say this.  Battlefield Earth has been tied to Scientology, mostly because the story was written by L. Ron Hubbard the founder of Scientology, and here's what I believe now.  Scientologist believe that the earth will be overrun one day, but it doesn't matter because after centuries of enslavement and barbarism, we can still find gold, fly jets and know how to use a nuclear weapon.  Either that, or Scientology is all about bombarding us with really, really bad movies until we all surrender and let them have the planet, and after seeing Battlefield Earth twice, I have to admit, I was ready to admit defeat.

So, if you're brave of heart and strong of mind, then you might decide to brave the horror that is Battlefield Earth, but for the novice who is merely looking for a scifi movie, I'd stick with the standards, Star Trek, Star Wars, Terminator.  Leave Battlefield Earth to us professionals!