Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter

In honor of Jerry Falwell's death (by the way, he spoke at my high school graduation!), I thought something with a religious tone would be appropriate, but, being that I'm the Bad Movie Guy, how could I justify renting King Of Kings or The Greatest Story Ever Told? So, I went the bad movie direction and took a look at Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter!



If the title alone doesn't interest you, then you're at the wrong website, my friend. Here's the story: Vampires are running loose around the city, and when they begin to attack people during the daytime, the church feels that it has no recourse but to step in, so, who do they turn to? You got it, Jesus! You see, Jesus has been back for a while, but he's been busy baptizing people and trying to build His fathers kingdom here on earth. But, now that the church has asked him to help with the vampires, and the vampires have attacked him, Jesus has no other choice but to kick some vampire ass!!!

A strange combination of horror movie, musical and comedy, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is one of the weirdest movies I've ever seen...and enjoyed. The story is nonsensical, involving Jesus with a vampire hunter named Mary Magnum and, eventually calling for the help of Mexican luchadore, El Santo, but it never loses it's focus, which seems to be fun. The plot involves vampires capturing lesbians for their skin, the vampires are grafting it over their own skin to allow them to walk in the daylight! Now, Jesus, Mary and Santos must stop this plague of the undead and save the lesbian population of the city.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is never played to offend, that doesn't seem to be the intention here, it's played strictly for laughs. And, while it may be the strangest movie I've ever seen (so far), it's like a car accident, you can't take your eyes off of it! I'm giving Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter three and a half out of four cigars,

because, while it's weird, it's actually just a fun movie. The budget was obviously low, but the fun quotient is very high on this one. And, for those out there who feel that this is blasphemous and heretical, get a sense of humor, not once does Jesus do anything in the movie that he didn't do in the Bible...except maybe fight vampires! So, until next time, when we'll continue my ten part lecture on B movies and the Bible, entitled, What Would Jesus Rent, remember that the best movies are bad movies!