Turistas

I have to say, since I missed it in theatres, I've been looking forward to Turistas on DVD. The premise is great, Brazilian tourists who are being captured and then sold for parts on the body part black-market, it's the perfect idea for a great gory horror movie. Then, I sat down and watched it, and I have to say, while it's still better than Hostel, it's not all it could have been!



Here's the story: Alex, his sister Bea and their friend Amy are on a trip to Brazil to see the sights. They fall in with some other 'gringos' and take a bus across the country to see the sights...after all, we wouldn't want to look like tourists, would we? Well, after the bus crashes, which really doesn't seem to freak anyone out too much, the turistas find a bar close by and decide that, since we can't get where we want to go, why not get shit-faced drunk and party? Makes sense, right?

Well, the next morning, everyone has been robbed and left on the beach. And, as they try to find out what might have happened to all their stuff, they alienate the locals and end up having to run into the jungle. Luckily, for our heroes, a local Brazilian is more than willing to help them. So, after travelling through the jungle and swimming underwater into some caves (for some unknown reason) and finally they arrive at a house in the middle of nowhere. Now, most people would probably think that we need to wait outside or at least not make a big mess of the place, but not our heroes, they dive right in, raid the pantry, open the bar and being to have a high old time. That is, until the owner of the house arrives!

It seems that our handy dandy guide has led them to the house of his uncle, who just happens to be a doctor who captures hapless tourists and harvests their organs to be sold to other gringos who are in Brazil looking for black-market organs. Now, our turista friends have to find a way to escape with all their body part still intact and inside!

Here's the real problem with Turistas. While the box and the trailer promise horrors beyond those seen in Hostel, it never delivers! While it's a pretty good suspense movie, it never gives you the horrors of unwanted surgical procedures that it promised all of us. In the whole movie, there's only one scene of organ harvesting and that's used more for exposition than horror, as the surgeon explains why he's doing this horrific work...and strangely, it's not that bad a reason!

I'm giving Turistas three out of four cigars,

because, while it's more fit for a showing on the SciFi Channel, it's still better than that horrible Hostel. If you're looking for something that teases gore without actually delivering on it, then this movie is for you...or your squeamish girlfriend who pretends to like horror, but really doesn't. So, until next time, when I'll try not to harvest my own eyeballs just to keep from seeing some of these bad movies, remember that the best movies are bad movies.