Pirates Of The Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest

You know, overall, I have very few movie rules, and most of them involve what to do and what not to do in a theatre...but those are for another time. But, my only hard and fast rule for movies is this...DON'T BORE ME! A movie can make me laugh, it can make me cry (or it can try), it can make me angry, but once it bores me I'm pretty much done with it! Well, that's what happened with the sequel to Pirates Of The Caribbean, Pirates 2: Dead Man's Chest...it bored the living crap out of me!



The first Pirates was a pretty good movie, considering that I think all of our expectations were very low for a movie based on an amusement park ride, but, in general, it wasn't a bad movie. For the sequel, it's back for more of the same: Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley have been arrested by the East India Trading Company for their assisting in the escape of Capt. Jack Sparrow, and there's only one way out, Orlando has to search the globe for the good Captain and return with his enchanted compass...sound a bit confusing...just wait, you ain't seen nothin' yet. When we catch up with Capt. Jack, he's searching for a picture of a key, no wait, he searching for the chest that the key opens, no wait again, he's looking for the key so that when he finds the chest he can open it...Hell, by the time Johnny Depp (recreating his gay Keith Richards character) finishes rambling through what he's looking for, I wasn't the only one who didn't have a clue! Well, it turns out that Jack Sparrow has made a deal with Davy Jones (not the Monkee!) for his soul and it's time to pay up, so now, not only is Orlando chasing Jack, but a crew of cgi fish monsters are after him as well!

Now, while the special effects and the action sequences in Pirates 2 are amazing, that's pretty much all the movie has going for it. Once the 'cool' of seeing Davy Jones (not the Monkee!) wears off, the movie is pretty much down hill from there. And, SPOILER ALERT HERE, the movie doesn't have an ending, it's left in a cliffhanger for the inevitable third installment...you really want to make me mad and ensure that I won't see your sequel, there's two things you can do, suck really hard and don't give your movie and ending, congratulations Pirates 2, you managed to do both!!

I'm giving Pirates Of The Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest a half a cigar...and it's not even a quality cigar!

And this movie probably deserved less than that! So, until next time, when I'll explain my other hard and fast movie rule...if you advertise a monster, I sure as hell better see a monster in your movie (I'm looking at you Blair Witch Project!), remember that the best movies are bad movies!