I Spit On Your Grave!

Did you ever see something so disturbing that you just couldn't look away? Sure, you didn't! We've all done it, slowed down at the car crash just to take a peek, nothing to be ashamed of, it's all part of being human. Well, if you're unashamed of your voyeuristic tendencies, then I've got a movie for you! It's called I Spit On Your Grave and it's been called the 'first feminist horror movie'.



The story in I Spit On Your Grave is a pretty simple and recognizable one, it's a revenge flick not too unlike Death Wish, but this is a much more gritty and exploitationist movie than Death Wish! I Spit On Your Grave is the story of a young female writer who hires a cabin to be alone and work on her novel. Now, a red flag should've come up when the cabin she rented is in "Deliverance County", but somehow she doesn't think that way. Well, when four local boys spot her, the trouble begins!

I Spit On Your Grave is NOT for the squeamish, it features not one but TWO of the most brutal rape scenes ever filmed, and it's a little hard to sit through, but remember the law of the movies, the revenge must be equal to, if not greater than, the crime perpetrated! And that law is enforced in spades in this movie, with four of the most heinous man killings on film too! But, did they deserve it? You betcha!! And, no matter what gender you are, it's always a good feeling to see the bad guy get what's coming to him, isn't it?!



I give I Spit On Your Grave three and a half, semi-limp cigars, and if you see this, you'll understand my tentativeness! So, until next time, when I'll reveal that my family is not only from the south, but has actually squealed not unlike a pig, remember that the best movies are bad movies!

A Holiday Weekend In Texas!

After a much deserved break, I'm back in time for a Memorial Day break! That's just good planning, right there!


But, I didn't forget you guys, how about a whole weekend full of horrors? Yep, here's what you can do. Run on down to the video store and rent the Texas Chainsaw Massacre Series. Yep, the whole damn thing! Start with the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. This is a classic and if you haven't seen it, then you're in for a real treat. This story of Texas cannibals cruelly attacking lost hippies is a horror gem!



Then, take a little break, grab a hunk of jerky and sit yourself down for Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2. Featuring Dennis Hopper, this, in my humble opinion, is a little better than the original. The scares are better, the gore factor is amped up a bit and the characters are a littler more sympathetic. It's a great movie to watch in the dark!



Then, you'll probably need to walk away or a little while, so call it a day and hope for a good night sleep!!

On Day Two, start with Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 3, this isn't quite as good as the previous two, but, hey, as long as annoying teens are getting tortured by chainsaw wielding maniacs, you'll always get a good rating from me!!



Then, go grab yourself a bowl of chili and a beer and sit yourself down for Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation. This piece of horrible cinema features a very young Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zellweger in early roles for both. This movie is over the top, even for a Texas Chainsaw movie!! Plus, Leatherface is a cross-dresser in this incarnation! Yep, there's nothing like a 7 foot tall dude in a dress with a chainsaw to say, 'that's just great cinema, right there!'



That should round out the second day, so go do a little cooking out and relax for the rest of the day. Because day three is still ahead!!

For day three, it's time for the remake. Now I get a TON of grief for liking this remake. Generally I HATE remakes of any type, but this keeps enough of the spirit of the original while adding new elements that I loved it. With the same structure as the original, this is a remake worth your time! Plus, it's always good to visit the family!



So there you go, a weekend with the family...The Sawyer Family, even though they rename them in the remake, we'll forgive them that. Overall, this will make for a great weekend of frights for you, and next Memorial Day, you'll have the memory of a great couple of days of horror! Here's my personal breakdown on these movies:

The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre - four fully lit cigars


Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 - four full cigars, for Dennis Hopper in a stetson!


Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 3 - two cigars for being a little bland.


Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation - four cigars for up and coming stars in a truly embarrassing movie and for Leatherface in a dress..that's just damn weird!


Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the remake) - four re-lit cigars (originally lit for the original!)


So, there you go, you should be good for the long weekend, and if you're not a chainsaw massacre kind of person, then first, why are you here? And second, go rent yourself a bunch of those 'chick flicks' I keep being told about! Put simply, for me, The Saw Is Family! And, to quote another movie, Learn It, Know it, Live it! And until the next time we meet, remember two things, number one The Saw Is, of course, Family and, number two, Chainsaw massacres are fun on TV and nude ladies are fun in the living room and you should never reverse those two things!!! Oh yeah, and the most important thing, the best movies are bad movies.

Time Off!

Well, it's been a while, but I'm taking a week off! That's right, after handing out a bad review to Kane Hodder, and you can see by the pic his reaction, I think I deserve it!





So, I'm off until Monday the 22nd, and don't try to stop me! If you want more back movie stuff, drop over to Rogue Cinema and they can take care of you until I return! And rest assured that when I return, hopefully my neck will have stopped hurting, I'll be rested, refreshed and ready to jump back in front of those 'video bullets' for you!

Think of me as your personal movie secret service agent, I stand ready to jump in front of the bad movies before they can get to you!

Looking For More Bad Movies??

If you are, then I've got a great place for you to head! Head on over toRogue Cinema! There you'll find more articles and reviews by me, your friendly neighborhood Bad Movie Guy, and a bunch of others who all love the b, independent, low budget and just plain bad movies as much as I do!! So, when I'm not here, you can jump over there and get your bad movie fix, because I understand, when you're jonesing for a bad movie, you gotta have it!!!!

Mission: Impossible 3 - Getting Me To A Theatre!

Is it just me or has Tom Cruise turned from a guy that you didn't mind seeing in a movie, to a guy that you're so tired of seeing that you might actually take a swing at him if you saw him in person??

I get that he's insecure in his manhood. Why else do you jump up and down on Oprah like some kind of demented idiot, just to declare your love? I love my wife, but I've never jumped on any furniture to prove it. Do you know why?? Because I don't have anything to prove to anyone except her!!

Here's the deal, Tom. You're a movie star...NOT an actor. You make crappy movies like Mission: Impossible because we all like an action movie. We don't care what religion you are, we don't care what you think about any prescription drugs, we don't care what you think in general! Just do your dance, sing your song and then get back into your cage, monkey! That's what we, the American people, expect of you.

But, here's the deal, because I've seen you everywhere, desperately trying to prove to everyone on the face of the earth that you're NOT gay, honestly none of us care, and, if you had any kind of common sense, you'd remind yourself of the old Shakespeare quote, "I think thou doest protest too much." And now, frankly, I'm so sick of seeing you on every magazine and on every TV set in site, that I couldn't be less interested in seeing any movies that you're in!! Take a break, we're all glad that you've reproduced, but it's not like it's the first baby in the history of the planet, and honestly, you're just a little too excited about it! So, calm down and try to act normal...you ARE supposed to be an actor after all.