A Holiday Weekend In Texas!

After a much deserved break, I'm back in time for a Memorial Day break! That's just good planning, right there!


But, I didn't forget you guys, how about a whole weekend full of horrors? Yep, here's what you can do. Run on down to the video store and rent the Texas Chainsaw Massacre Series. Yep, the whole damn thing! Start with the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. This is a classic and if you haven't seen it, then you're in for a real treat. This story of Texas cannibals cruelly attacking lost hippies is a horror gem!



Then, take a little break, grab a hunk of jerky and sit yourself down for Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2. Featuring Dennis Hopper, this, in my humble opinion, is a little better than the original. The scares are better, the gore factor is amped up a bit and the characters are a littler more sympathetic. It's a great movie to watch in the dark!



Then, you'll probably need to walk away or a little while, so call it a day and hope for a good night sleep!!

On Day Two, start with Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 3, this isn't quite as good as the previous two, but, hey, as long as annoying teens are getting tortured by chainsaw wielding maniacs, you'll always get a good rating from me!!



Then, go grab yourself a bowl of chili and a beer and sit yourself down for Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation. This piece of horrible cinema features a very young Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zellweger in early roles for both. This movie is over the top, even for a Texas Chainsaw movie!! Plus, Leatherface is a cross-dresser in this incarnation! Yep, there's nothing like a 7 foot tall dude in a dress with a chainsaw to say, 'that's just great cinema, right there!'



That should round out the second day, so go do a little cooking out and relax for the rest of the day. Because day three is still ahead!!

For day three, it's time for the remake. Now I get a TON of grief for liking this remake. Generally I HATE remakes of any type, but this keeps enough of the spirit of the original while adding new elements that I loved it. With the same structure as the original, this is a remake worth your time! Plus, it's always good to visit the family!



So there you go, a weekend with the family...The Sawyer Family, even though they rename them in the remake, we'll forgive them that. Overall, this will make for a great weekend of frights for you, and next Memorial Day, you'll have the memory of a great couple of days of horror! Here's my personal breakdown on these movies:

The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre - four fully lit cigars


Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 - four full cigars, for Dennis Hopper in a stetson!


Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 3 - two cigars for being a little bland.


Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation - four cigars for up and coming stars in a truly embarrassing movie and for Leatherface in a dress..that's just damn weird!


Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the remake) - four re-lit cigars (originally lit for the original!)


So, there you go, you should be good for the long weekend, and if you're not a chainsaw massacre kind of person, then first, why are you here? And second, go rent yourself a bunch of those 'chick flicks' I keep being told about! Put simply, for me, The Saw Is Family! And, to quote another movie, Learn It, Know it, Live it! And until the next time we meet, remember two things, number one The Saw Is, of course, Family and, number two, Chainsaw massacres are fun on TV and nude ladies are fun in the living room and you should never reverse those two things!!! Oh yeah, and the most important thing, the best movies are bad movies.