Santa's Slay

Remember the good old days when you could pick any holiday and there wasn't any sort of movie associated with it? You could celebrate Halloween without Michael Myers, Friday the 13th would come and go with no mention of Camp Crystal Lake and Christmas was still a holly jolly holiday? Well, treasure those memories, because we all know they're in the distant past! It's fairly easy to take Halloween or Friday the 13th and make them into scary ideas, because they're not far from that now, but Christmas??

When I first saw Silent Night, Deadly Night, I figured that that had to be it. This was a truly goofy movie, but Christmas would be safe again, right? Not so fast, because former professional wrestler Bill Goldberg has put on a Santa suit to try again to turn the Cool Yule into a Scary Festivus. The biggest problem here is Bill's acting, I've seen ironing boards that were less stiff.

The story here is simple, thousands of years ago, Santa was a minion of evil. During an altercation with an angel a bet was made. If the angel won, Santa had to be good for a thousand years, if the angel lost he had to report to Hell. If you can't see where this is going, then you might be a bit thicker than I tend to be, but just in case, the thousand years is up, Santa's evil again and he's out for blood. This (non)scary movie is played mostly for laughs, but I don't think that they all realize that we're laughing AT them, not with them! And in a bizarre pre-credit sequence, James Caan appears!! James Freakin' Caan!!! What? Did that Godfather money finally run out?? Did he lose a bet?? This is a sad day for the professional actor when someone of Caan's stature is lowered to this level. But, back to the movie, the inevitable happens, Santa faces off with the angel again, he loses and is sent back to the North Pole until...I guess the sequel, God Help Us All.



If you ever had any love of the Christmas holiday then you'll avoid this at all costs, Santa's Slay is the worst holiday based movie I think I've ever seen, and I've seen them all folks! I give this movie a lowly half a cigar that's been stubbed out on a Christmas bulb! So, until next time when I'll pitch my idea for a President's Day Horror Movie where Washington and Lincoln return from the grave for revenge on today's Congress, remember that the best movies are bad movies!